About to give-up...

December 28, 2012

 It’s just so hard to deal with something that you don’t have enough idea at all if it’s really for real or not. But the sad thing here is that, you have learned to love, care, appreciate that certain individual, and your world is starting to revolve around that person. All you want to do is to cry out loud just to let the world know how hurt you are. You’re beginning to feel that you are all alone and there’s no one out there to talk to.

Moreover, a part of you just want to bid goodbye for the reason that you can’t bear the pain anymore. However, you’re just so scared to let go of that person simply because you’re head over heals in love with him, and you’re starting to build your dreams around that guy. You even gave him a second chance for him to make-up to you, but he failed you big time. And this thing hurt you the most since you’ve thought that love is lovelier the second time around, and you’re hoping that this time around, he’ll finally give all the love, care and attention that you badly need or longing to feel from him. You supposed to be happy since you’re in love and in a relationship, but it’s the other way around. You’re always asking if you aren’t good enough and why do you have to go through all these when all you want is to love and be loved in return. This is truly a hard situation to be in. The pain is just so overwhelming that you feel like you wanna give-up, and just start to live your life on your own.

I just want to speak my heart out and jot down everything in here because I don’t have enough courage to tell this thing to the people closest to me. I just want to keep this to myself and deal with all the pain all by myself. I really want to let you know that I’m just so disappointed of you, because I didn’t see this one coming and I thought I would be genuinely happy if I’ll let you enter into my life, but I’m completely wrong. I’m just waiting for the right time though, to finally call it quits because I have promised myself that I’m not gonna deal with this pain for long as I don’t want to prolong my agony. Yes, I’m about to give up now. I may not have given my all, and there were a few times as well that I’m pushing you away but you’re the one who gave me reasons to do all those things. I’m holding back because I’m always thinking that you haven’t given enough efforts for me to reciprocate. I can’t invest energy and emotion into something that I’m not sure of. I won’t stick around if there’s no enough reason for me to do that. Thus, whatever happens in the next few days or so, whatever my decision may be, I’m gonna embrace it with open arms and move forward with my life without you.

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