I tried to hold on...

March 03, 2013

I really don't know what to say or think at this very day. All I know is that I'm deeply hurt about what happened today. I've waited the whole day for you to utter those words but you failed me again big time. You really knew from the very beginning that this particular thing means a lot to me and not taking it seriously would really upset me, but sadly, you don't seem to care anymore about my feelings. I don't want to think that you chose not to greet me on that day as I'll be disappointed. And it's just so heart-wrenching as well to realize that this one is no longer a big deal for you.

At times, I just really want to ask you if what do you still want from me? Since you can't even prove to me that you're indeed a real deal and can't even walk the talk. I'm asking you to please stop all your lies and once and for all, be honest with me. Be man enough to admit that you did something wrong behind my back, and you didn't mean most of the things you said to me from the very start or should I say, most of them were all lies. In all honesty, even though most of the things you uttered were too good to be true, I'm still hoping that some of those stuff would happen sooner or later.

For quite some time, I really tried to hold on to whatever we have right now, but I just couldn't take it anymore. The pain is just so overwhelming so I want to say to myself that it's finally over. I may not be the perfect girl, a goody-two shoes type of girl back then, but God knows that I'm a better person now. He really sees how true or genuine I am now, that's why I can honestly say that I don't deserve all these. I'm trying my very best that the person I chose to be with would still be very proud of me, despite of my mistakes in the past. I deserve to be happy as well since all these years I went through so much already. All I just wanted is someone would treat me right and would make me feel how precious or special I am to him. That I'm just the only girl he wants to grow old with.

From this day on, you'll no longer hear anything from me. I'm not gonna respond to all your lies again. I'm not gonna let myself to get hurt over and over again. I told you a thousand times that no matter how hard it is to be in a long distance relationship, I would definitely stick around with you as long as you give me enough reasons to hold on, I'm not really gonna give-up on you. But nevertheless, I just realized that I'll not be genuinely happy if we'll continue to be like this. Yes, you aren't giving me anymore even just a few good reasons to stay so I'm just gonna walk away. I'll be bidding goodbye now 'coz I have had enough already, and I hope you'll be happy as well with all the decisions you made.


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